I don't think healing is the exact word I want, but it will serve. One never really gets over loss, but you do learn to live with that black void that tends to follow you around. It lurks like a ghost, just on the edge of your emotions, ready to reveal itself on a moment's notice, blindsiding you with the weight of the grief you thought you had come to terms with.
This year the ghosts of the past have been lingering more than I would wish. My mother, the last of my childhood first family, passed away April 15th, 2016. She had been in decline since 2011 after a stroke. At times, she didn't know who I was, at other times, she was back in the past—back to her early teen and adult years. I don't know who she thought I was, but I could always tell if she knew me or not based on her reaction to me. If she didn't know me, she was oh so polite, thanking me for whatever I did, etc. If she knew me, it was more of a attitude that would order me about, tell me to go get or to do. No stranger politeness. And that was okay, because I knew when she knew :)
Toward the end, she had several more strokes and could not talk or really move much. But I think, when I looked into her eyes, she knew me.
I hope so anyway. And I hope she is with Ron and Dad.
Below are a few details we shared about Mom at her funeral, though it is very hard to honor a life in a few short paragraphs. I do hope to write a book about growing up...mainly because I want to get things down, before I forget too!
In Memory of Mom
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
'A Psalm of Life'